Since she's been gone

Zoe's been in San Francisco for two weeks, and I can't begin to describe the overwhelming sense of loneliness that's hit me in each of the 13.5 days since she's been gone.

Yes, she's having a great time. Yes, she's experiencing an amazing marine biology camp for kids her age, compliments of her dad and stepmom. Yes, she's enjoying all that fabulous California weather that beats the heck out of Indiana temps (and tempests) this time of year.

And yes, I miss her like crazy.

In the mom manual that I got when Zoe was born, there is no chapter on "coping with feelings of loss during long visitation." And I must have missed the checklist that most surely was in there about "useful things you can do to fill your time while you wonder where/how your kid is for the 30 days she spends with the other side of her family." Those weren't in the divorce manual either, by the way.

I wasn't prepared for these feelings. And they were exacerbated last night when I got to "see" her via Web cam for the first time since she flew to the west coast.

She showed me the gaps in her gums where teeth used to be (I missed two more falling out.) She told me all about her day at camp, spent with other 10-12 year olds catching sharks and touching crabs and exploring the habitats of various marine life. (I missed the "fishy smell" that I'm sure she had when she hopped in the car at day's end.) And she looked like she's grown at least a foot in this short time away. (I missed each and every inch ... or 1/4 inch along the way.)

As I signed off our video chat with tears in my eyes, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that she'll be home in just two (LONG) short weeks. And when she gets back, I need to remember THIS feeling so that I appreciate all the time I do get to spend with her, even on the most challenging of days.

Since she's been gone, I'd like to think I've remembered a parenting/life lesson or two. And one of them is this: Kids are a gift. Treasure them and all the minutes you get to spend with them, whenever and wherever that might be.